Poll Reveals What Women Have Known All Along: Men Hate Christmas Shopping

I don?t think men are from Mars. I think they?re from Whoville, where every year they align with the Grinch and band together to ruin Christmas. Each holiday, after thoughtfully deciding on, shopping for, and wrapping the perfect presents for my boyfriend, I can?t wait to see what he picked out for me. I breathlessly anticipate tearing open the perfect romantic/sentimental gift, and every year I?m sorely disappointed.

I?m not alone.

Do they do it on purpose? Of course not. It?s just that men hate the pressure of holiday shopping and would cut off their right arm to avoid it.

It shows.

We women, on the other hand, have high expectations because we put lots of thought into gift-giving. Throughout the year, we pick up on the little hints he drops and then do our darndest to make sure he has a wonderful holiday filled with everything his heart desires. To women, gifts have hidden meanings, and we try to decode them to understand how our guy feels about us.

To men, buying us gifts is a necessary relationship evil, ranking right up there with attending our mother?s birthday party.

If you?re a woman over the age of fifteen, you know exactly what I?m taking about. In the name of research, however, I went out in the field and asked random men plus a few guy friends whether they look forward to shopping for that special something that will thrill their wife or girlfriend, or whether they dread it more than, say, buying tampons.

Read no further if you think there will be surprises. It was unanimous: Men hate holiday shopping. Yes, even more than cruising the feminine products aisle. Yes, even the sweet guys, and, yes, even your man. Here?s what they said:

Peter: ?I am in the bah humbug category.?

Gary: ?I hate having to shop for my girlfriend at Christmas. It?s way too much pressure and the holiday is too commercialized. I buy her nice things throughout the year when I see them. But I don?t want to have to buy her something just because society says I have to on a certain day. It?s so stupid.?

?I hate shopping, period. I do try to be thoughtful but sometimes I'm more successful than others. Keep my name out of this, please. My wife reads your blog.? Anonymous

Jason: ?I enjoy it, but I can say this because I don?t currently have a girlfriend.?

Ron: ?The pressure I feel to outdo myself each year gets overwhelming. It is hard to keep being imaginative and thoughtful. Plus, guys like to buy practical things, but women don't seem to appreciate a new toaster for Christmas, even if they desperately need one.?

TJ: ?I love shopping for my girlfriend. It's the wife who is the hardest. What do you get someone who buys everything she wants already? I get more mileage out of making her a gift from scratch. I use some construction paper, maybe a few cotton balls (for snowmen), some nice green and red crayon, BAM: instant romantic card.

Mike: ?I typically don't like holiday shopping for my wife, but I do strive to give her thoughtful gifts. I don't wait until the last minute, but if I do the shopping too early, I always think I've shortchanged her, and end up buying a couple of more presents. The grand total is always too much (in her opinion, not mine).?

Steve: ?After 14 years of marriage I have learned the value of the gift certificate. The store is never out of them. Plus it gives my wife and kids a chance to get out of the house. She has a good time as long as the kids behave. And if they don't, she can't wait to get back to the house so it's like several gifts. Either way, I get time alone. I consider myself a very thoughtful husband.?

David: ?My wife never tells me what she wants so I usually get her jewelry or a gift certificate or something that she can take back. I don't hate it but it's not my idea of a fun thing to do on my day off. Sometimes I buy her gloves or something like that and a book and a gift certificate and some jewelry like gold or pearl earrings. That's it. One year I bought her a bike. That was not a good thing.?

Matt: ?Yes, I hate shopping for my wife. Lingerie is returned for something more comfortable. Jewelry is greeted with an eye-roll if it isn't diamonds. Plus, it's hard to get creative at Christmas since you've been milked on birthdays, anniversaries, birth of children, etc. Shopping for the girlfriend, on the other hand, is much more enjoyable. Everything is met with wide eyes and glee. But I'm sure that will end over time also.?

John: ?Usually yes, I hate shopping. However, this year we have decided to give each other ideas (not necessarily a list) so it should be much easier. Of course there will be a few surprises thrown in. Over the years though, it has been a stressful time. I think that whole Mars & Venus comes into play. She wants cleaning to be easier... a new Shop Vac oughta help. Something we can enjoy together...doesn?t a plasma TV fit the bill??

Jim: ?I am not crazy about shopping generally, but I don?t really mind holiday shopping. I figure she puts up with my crap all year long, so it?s my chance to do something nice and let her know I appreciate her. Choosing something she?ll really like is tough sometimes, and the fact that I?m a world-class procrastinator doesn?t help things. I try to have some fairly definite ideas about what to get, and then hit the mall early (like 8:00 a.m., usually the Saturday before Christmas) before the crowds arrive.?

Also from Jim: ?Cautionary tale about a guy I used to work with: He waited until Christmas Eve to go shopping for his wife, and when he tried to check out he discovered that she had already maxed out all their credit cards! Having no cash, he came home empty handed. He was in the maison-de-pooch for quite a while.?

Dan: ?My friend and I shop for our wives together every December 24. First, we hit a few bars. Then we hit some more. Just before the mall closes, we race in, buy whatever?s on the Gap mannequin in our wives? size, and go back to drinking. Our wives get pretty pissed when they get the same outfit. But isn?t it the thought that counts??

Ben: ?I always intend to get a thoughtful, wonderful gift, not always expensive but thoughtful. Sometimes when it clicks perfectly I get the gift and surprise her with it. But sometimes when the schedule of my whacked out life is too much I miss my window and end up with a turd of a gift. I am always aware of the gift being a turd or not. Guys like to pretend they are oblivious to all of this and get to say, ?I'm a guy, what do you expect?? We are aware however.?

See what I mean? Young and old, sweet and not-so-much, married and unmarried, men are all alike when it comes to Christmas shopping for women. As my friend?s wise mother put it, ?Lamb, they are all the same.? Indeed.

Girls? Survival Strategy

So what?s a girl to do? Much as we hate it, the best way to get exactly what we want is to spell it out, leaving no stone unturned. Give him specifics: List the URL or store location, price, color, size and SKU. This strategy ruins the surprise, sure, but at least you won?t end up with a leather thong or a CD of heavy metal monster ballads.

Another option is to have a good friend call your man and say, ?Hey, if you?re stuck about what to get your wife/girlfriend this Christmas, we were shopping last week and she mentioned she?d love to have X. Thought you?d want to know.?

Or, do as my friend Annie does and buy things for yourself, have them gift-wrapped, ship them to your home, and send him the bill.

The last option is to do what I do: Hope and pray that this year will finally be different and that he?ll spend a lot of time and effort searching for the perfect present that will show how wild he is about me and how well he really knows the inner me.

With expectations like that, it?s no wonder I?m always bawling on Christmas morning.

Pointers for Men

For men with women who refuse to tell them what they want (and yes, darling boyfriend, if you?re reading this it applies to you too), there are a few staples that make most women happy. They are: a beautiful full-length coat (hint: if she?s a vegan, skip the fur and leather), diamond or pearl jewelry, tickets to an island getaway or a gift certificate to her favorite clothing store.

My best advice, much as men hate it, is to pay attention to her comments throughout the year. Has she mentioned a trendy restaurant she wants to try? Make reservations and stick a note in her stocking. Does she love Oprah? How about the TV host?s 20th anniversary DVD collection? Is she into jewelry? Freshwater cultured pearls are affordable and lovely; lavender freshwater cultured pearls are trendy and hot right now. As always, Tiffany & Co. jewelry will make her day, but if you?re short on cash, get her a few books on subjects she?s into (the thought will melt her) or burn her a mix CD of songs that remind you of her. I wouldn?t attempt making her a homemade card, though, unless you?re planning on tucking tickets to St. Baarts inside.

One final thought: If you want to have a merry Christmas, avoid giving her the following gifts AT ALL COST:

?Kitchen appliances, including, but not limited to
omixers
oblenders
otoasters
omicrowaves
oexception: High-end coffee maker
?Tools (she knows you just want to borrow them)
?Sheetrock (my friend did actually get this one year)
?Weight-loss books, tapes, magazines, gadgets, etc. Don?t even GO there, mister!
?TVs (another gift that?s a thinly-disguised present for you)
?Puppies (c?mon, everyone wants to pick their own dog, and who wants to train one during a holiday)
?Sports tickets (like you, we claim to love stuff we hate just to make you happy)
?Gift certificate for a makeover (obvious, obvious mistake)
Good luck, guys. Try to stay out of the doghouse this year.

A graduate of the Gemological Institute of America?s Graduate Pearls program, Amy Drescher is a fashion and lifestyle writer and accessories buyer for http://www.moonriverpearls.com The site?s four-choices-only Men?s No-Brainer Gift Guide is a welcome haven for gift-challenged men. Guaranteed to let you finish all your shopping during one commercial break, it can be reached at http://www.moonriverpearls.com/s-31-easygiftideas.aspx

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Moving Tips Help the Stressed Buyer

Moving is a horrible thing to go through after all the stress of buying a home. I absolutely hate to move. This is partly due to the fact that we've never been able to work out the move out of the home we sold right into the new home scenario. We've always had to move twice with each purchase of a new home. From old home to rental, from rental to new home. It really doesn't make for a happy family.

There are some ways to help with the move. And they aren't the traditional, call the moving company. Here are my top tips for eliminating stress from your move.

First, start with getting rid of stuff. We always laugh and say that we get rid of half and move half. There is no reason to hang onto things that you will never ever unpack. Have a yard sale and get rid of it. Plus, you might make enough money to treat your family to something special -- like a day at the zoo. Or don't mess with the stress of a yard sale and give it all to charity. That's a tax deductable gift, if you get a receipt.

Getting rid of extra stuff not only saves you money in moving, but saves you a lot of time in packing and rearranging stuff. I go through everything as I pack it. Clothes, dishes, toys and papers are all purged. It really feels good -- you know you are starting off more organized and with less clutter.

Move room by room if possible. Don't try to tackle everything at once. If you and your friends are moving you, have them take items by room. This is a great way to move. It is also quite faster. There is no confusion and no moving of boxes into the correct room.

Don't forget to take care of a few things before you even start packing. Arrange for the utilities to be transfered. You don't want to get to your new home and have no water or lights. You should make sure that your insurance coverage will cover your belongings and both properties for the adequate amount of time. Don't cut off the insurance for the home you are leaving until you are actually gone. This is especially important if you have people helping you to move.

And finally, if you are moving a distance -- make sure you know where you are going. Have a map and a route planned. Plan where and when you will stop and how long it will take you to get to your new home. If it is a long trip, make it fun. Stop and see things along the way. Take the time to enjoy the country. Make it an adventure -- not just a move.

Martin Lukac represents http://www.RateEmpire.com and http://www.1AmericanFinancial.com, a finance web-company specializing in real estate and mortgage rates. We specialize in daily updates, mortgage news, rate predictions, mortgage rates and more. Find low home loan mortgage interest rates from hundreds of mortgage companies!

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Is there Etiquette for Contacting People Found on People Search Sites?

I would love to open this article with a quote from the 1999 hit movie The Matrix, but that would make this article a lot more awkward than it needs to be.

First, I would like to be very specific about the type of search I am about to discuss. It does not matter what circumstances or conditions led up to the event (none of my business), but it happened--you looked up an old flame on a people search site and now you want to contact them. However, how can you contact them without seeming desperate, awkward or completely mental?

The general consensus around the PSN office is that looking up an old flame on the internet ranks right up there with drunk dialing. The Urban dictionary defines drunk dial thusly:

Therefore, before looking up an ex-girlfriend or love interest from your past there are some key points to consider:

* Time is not the great equalizer. Since you used a people search service to locate your old flame, chances are you have not spoken to them in quite a while. During this time, they could have married, got engaged, had a family or built a life they have come to thoroughly enjoy,-all without you.
* Memories tend to fade over time. Sure, you may have vivid memories of you and your Juliet running arms open towards each other in a pristine alpine meadow, but don't assume she has the same memories. She may have even forgotten about you entirely.
* It is all a matter of perspective. The value of your relationship may be viewed differently by others. Perhaps you look back on the relationship you had with the subject of your search as particularly formative or life altering. For all you know, he could be 6 years sober and look back on your relationship as one of the triggers for his long bout with alcoholism.
* The timing could be wrong, very wrong. Perhaps the interest of inquiry just had a baby and it is her first day home from the hospital. Her, her husband and various family members are sitting around the living room admiring the baby, having a real family moment. Just then, the phone rings and it's you. ACKWARD!

Sure all of the scenarios above are purely hypothetical, but any variation of those could happen and there is really no graceful way to contact someone you once had an intimate relationship without risking major embarrassment. Therefore, PSN has provided a simple suggestion on how to send out the word to your old friend that you are interested in reconnecting without causing you or them any unnecessary embarrassment: send flowers.

Flower Suggestions:

* No roses or any type of bouquet that even hints at romantic.
* The arrangement chosen should be a mix of Easter and Mother's day.
* If this happens to be during the months of October or November, Halloween and Thanksgiving arrangements are perfect, but they must contain a pumpkin, turkey, cornucopia or pilgrim. Those dried Indian corn things won't do (too creepy).

Card Ideas:

* No hinking of you or missing you type of cards.
* The stock business card from the florist sans envelope is the preferred type. The ones that go in the pitchfork plastic things.
* You need a great back story. Like, I just started a Web-site devoted to subject of people search. We are promoting our website by sending flowers. Check us out on the Web at.........................

If all goes according to plan, you should be contacted by your old flame. If not, you are out some cash for the flowers, but at least you have a Web site. You could start a Blog or something.

Do or do not, there is no try, Yoda.
About the Author

Founded in 2006, PeopleSearchNews.com is a Sacramento, California based non-commercial online source for people search and people finder related news and information.

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