Is there Etiquette for Contacting People Found on People Search Sites?

I would love to open this article with a quote from the 1999 hit movie The Matrix, but that would make this article a lot more awkward than it needs to be.

First, I would like to be very specific about the type of search I am about to discuss. It does not matter what circumstances or conditions led up to the event (none of my business), but it happened--you looked up an old flame on a people search site and now you want to contact them. However, how can you contact them without seeming desperate, awkward or completely mental?

The general consensus around the PSN office is that looking up an old flame on the internet ranks right up there with drunk dialing. The Urban dictionary defines drunk dial thusly:

Therefore, before looking up an ex-girlfriend or love interest from your past there are some key points to consider:

* Time is not the great equalizer. Since you used a people search service to locate your old flame, chances are you have not spoken to them in quite a while. During this time, they could have married, got engaged, had a family or built a life they have come to thoroughly enjoy,-all without you.
* Memories tend to fade over time. Sure, you may have vivid memories of you and your Juliet running arms open towards each other in a pristine alpine meadow, but don't assume she has the same memories. She may have even forgotten about you entirely.
* It is all a matter of perspective. The value of your relationship may be viewed differently by others. Perhaps you look back on the relationship you had with the subject of your search as particularly formative or life altering. For all you know, he could be 6 years sober and look back on your relationship as one of the triggers for his long bout with alcoholism.
* The timing could be wrong, very wrong. Perhaps the interest of inquiry just had a baby and it is her first day home from the hospital. Her, her husband and various family members are sitting around the living room admiring the baby, having a real family moment. Just then, the phone rings and it's you. ACKWARD!

Sure all of the scenarios above are purely hypothetical, but any variation of those could happen and there is really no graceful way to contact someone you once had an intimate relationship without risking major embarrassment. Therefore, PSN has provided a simple suggestion on how to send out the word to your old friend that you are interested in reconnecting without causing you or them any unnecessary embarrassment: send flowers.

Flower Suggestions:

* No roses or any type of bouquet that even hints at romantic.
* The arrangement chosen should be a mix of Easter and Mother's day.
* If this happens to be during the months of October or November, Halloween and Thanksgiving arrangements are perfect, but they must contain a pumpkin, turkey, cornucopia or pilgrim. Those dried Indian corn things won't do (too creepy).

Card Ideas:

* No hinking of you or missing you type of cards.
* The stock business card from the florist sans envelope is the preferred type. The ones that go in the pitchfork plastic things.
* You need a great back story. Like, I just started a Web-site devoted to subject of people search. We are promoting our website by sending flowers. Check us out on the Web at.........................

If all goes according to plan, you should be contacted by your old flame. If not, you are out some cash for the flowers, but at least you have a Web site. You could start a Blog or something.

Do or do not, there is no try, Yoda.
About the Author

Founded in 2006, PeopleSearchNews.com is a Sacramento, California based non-commercial online source for people search and people finder related news and information.